New Report Finds 90% Of Americans Have Physical Illness


By Alex McRobotface

WASHINGTON—A new report released Monday by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found that 90 percent of the country is afflicted with a variety of communicable diseases. “At this point in our nation’s history, 90 percent of Americans are either thought to be clinically ill or have some other debilitating illness,” said CDC director Robert Redfield, noting that the report was based on an analysis of nearly 200 million people who have not been previously tested for diseases, either because of their lack of interest in participating in a research study or because of some other reason. “These findings are particularly troubling considering that, after looking at all the people on our list, we find that the vast majority of them have not been previously diagnosed with a disease, or even know their symptoms, let alone have them diagnosed in a clinical trial.” The CDC also noted that the majority of people who have been diagnosed with a disease are, in fact, a person.

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