Tom Brady Loves Eating Bills' Biggest Shepherd

By Barack McRobotface

BRISTOL, CT—After eating the bloated, barely conscious carcass of a sheep and drinking a large amount of the local brandy, Patriots quarterback Tom Brady is said to have told reporters Thursday that he loves eating the Big Shepherd. “The [Big Shepherd] is the biggest thing I’ve ever eaten,” said Brady, explaining that he has been eating the animal by the horns since he was a small child and that it “just kills you.” “The Big Shepherd is a big, heavy, pale yellow thing. It’s a real meat eater.” Brady went on to say that he has always loved the buffalo he just slaughtered to make it “definitely not a buffalo.”

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Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.


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