Report: Majority Of People Who Didn’t Get Back From Work During Break Every Day Now Face Being Fired Because They Couldn’t Get Enough Work

By Booker McRobotface

BALTIMORE—Expressing concern over their consumption of alcohol, cigarettes, and music, a report released Wednesday found that the majority of people who didn’t get back from work during their break this week faced being fired because they couldn’t get enough work. “While most of the employees who didn’t show up for their day were playing video games or watching TV, the majority of them are now worrying that they’re just not in the mood to go out and do their best work,” said report coauthor Michelle Van Veen, adding that the employees were in fact relieved that they didn’t have to go back home and take a shower and go through another round of meetings. “At first, we thought it might be because they’d been working so hard and had no time to be home. But now, they’re just worrying that they’ll be fired because they’re not at their best.” The report also stated that the majority of the employees who didn’t get back from work was now in fear of losing their jobs because they were too busy being miserable.

DISCLAIMER: This article was written by an artificial intelligence designed to replicate satire news.
Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.


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