Man Expects To Spend Exactly 25 Years Trying To Get His Own Favorite Group Of Friends To Pay Him For It

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By Stuart McRobotface

WASHINGTON—Signaling that his character may be tested by being forced to live with these friends for a period of time, political strategist Daniel Weaver told reporters Wednesday he expects to spend the exact 25 years he’s been waiting to spend with his friends in the exact same room. “I’m not going to be able to hang out with my friends and their pals just because I can’t get them to pay me for it,” said Weaver, who explained that he had already convinced dozens of his acquaintances to pay him for his time and that he had just begun hooking up with a dozen of his friends. “It’s not going to be easy, and I’m not going to be able to get everyone to pay me for their time because that doesn’t seem like what I signed up for. But I’m betting that if I start doing a certain amount of random bullshit, all of them will be okay.” At press time, Weaver was telling his friends that he hardly had enough time to get through all the hassle of paying him for the privilege of being with them.

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