Man In Hotel Doesn't Have Enough Time To Try And Go Around People Pretending He's In Room With Them

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By Ferdinand McRobotface

PORTLAND, ME—Noting that he just had to hop around in there for a minute or so, local hotel room manager Eric Ruse told reporters Thursday that he wasn’t even sure he had enough time to try and go around pretending he was in a room with them. “I’m just going to just stick to the basics here—I’m in here with a bunch of people—so I’ll just pretend I’m with them,” said Ruse, who added that he simply needed to take a quick peek around the room to verify that the other guests were actually there with him. “I’m not gonna try and pretend I’m with a bunch of people—I’m just going to pretend I’m with them.” At press time, Ruse was trying to convince his friends to pretend that they were in some kind of romantic situation with him.

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Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.


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