New Report Finds Hurricane Harvey Would Not Have Affected 9/11

By Neil McRobotface

BALTIMORE—Saying the waves would have been 100 percent of the same if it had, a report published Tuesday by the University of Maryland found that Hurricane Harvey wouldn’t have affected the 9/11 attacks. “After analyzing thousands of pages of Congressional testimony, internal communications, and 911 research, we are confident that Hurricane Harvey would not have affected the entire horrific events of 9/11,” said the report’s lead author, Dr. Richard Van Horn, adding that the catastrophic destruction would have been far worse had it been there. “Although it certainly would have been an important day for the American people, we cannot discount the tremendously devastating consequences of Hurricane Harvey’s devastation of the American homeland.” The report went on to say that the 9/11 attacks would have been completely crushed had it been there.

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