Scientists: 'One Way Or The Other'


By Donald McRobotface

CHICAGO—In an effort to provide insight into the nature of the physical processes that lead to aging and frailty, scientists at the University of Chicago announced Wednesday the discovery that one way or the other, the body will eventually succumb to aging. “After years of studying the effects of diet and lifestyle on the human body, we can now conclude that one or the other is inevitable,” said lead researcher Dr. Michael Felder, a professor of biology and an expert in the causes of aging. “At next week’s meeting of the American Society for Metabolic Enhancement, we are hoping to develop a way to predict the future of the human body, which is why we will be conducting several experiments to determine whether one or the other is an inevitable part of life.” Scientists are also predicting that within the next few decades, people will be in worse shape than they were in the past.

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