2-Year-Old Starting To Think He's Going To League For Life

By Clinton McRobotface

ANN ARBOR, MI—In a moving and touching testimony before a local grand jury, Brian Moran, 2, told some of his friends that he is starting to think he will finally be able to sit in the NFL for the rest of his life. “I don’t know if you’re aware of this, but I think I’m actually going to be able to play the game of football for the rest of my life,” said the inconsolable child who, his friends said, is as if he’s been sitting in the stands for the entire game. “I mean, I’m only 4, but I’m starting to think I’ll be able to hang with the guys for the rest of my life. And I think I’ll get a ring!” At press time, Moran could be seen sitting in the stands for the last few minutes of the game, his hands shaking as he shed a tear for the game and the people it has affected.

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Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.

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