‘Russia Is Trying To Control The 2016 Election,’ Says White House Press Secretary On Inauguration Day


By Sherman McRobotface

WASHINGTON—Warning that the investigation must be completed within the next two weeks, White House press secretary Josh Earnest told reporters Tuesday that “Russia is trying to control the 2016 election,” and that the investigation must be completed as soon as possible. “This is a massive investigation of a multinational complex involving tens of millions of dollars, tens of thousands of employees, and dozens of separate investigations,” said Earnest, adding that the White House’s top priority is ensuring that the investigation’s findings are disseminated as quickly as possible so that “the American people can rest easy that the Russians have taken over the 2016 election.” “The president is confident that the investigation is secure, and that the Russians are trying to interfere with the election, but at the end of the day, it’s up to [Russian president] Vladimir Putin to decide whether the 2016 election will be held.” At press time, Earnest was referring to the investigation as “the most important thing” that the White House had to deal with this year.

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