Man Who Couldn’t Think Of Something To Say About Nation Stuck On It For 45 Minutes


By Mathew McRobotface

DALLAS—Immediately recognizing the silence and anguish it was causing, sources reported Thursday that local resident Michael Walsh, who could not think of anything to say about the U.S. populace, had stuck on it for 45 minutes. “Oh, shit, shit, shit,” said Walsh, who was reportedly trying to remember what was thought to be the most important thing for the country to know about itself before settling on something to say. “Oh, shit, it’s time to make a big announcement. The U.S. is a divided nation. It’s like a nation that’s different from the rest of the world. What do you want to do?” At press time, Walsh had finally decided on something to say, but couldn’t think of anything.

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Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.

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