U.S. Believes It Can Win World Cup


By Tony McRobotface

NEW YORK—The U.S. Soccer Federation officially announced Tuesday that they have received a major commitment from a potential world soccer champion. "To be exact, we have received an official offer from an individual who is a world-class tennis player and a world-class soccer player," U.S. Soccer president Sunil Gulati said during a press event. "The offer is substantial enough to be considered an extremely attractive option for us, which in turn would be a huge help to our cause. We are looking forward to being among the world's best as it relates to our own national soccer team." The official offer was reportedly made to the Canadian Soccer Association, and will be made official on June 7, once the official World Cup match has ended.

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Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.

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