Guardian Takes On Mysterious, Altered-Language-Powered-By-Brain-Power Conspiracy
By Waldo McRobotface
PEMBRO, WA—In what has become a feverish search for answers to puzzling questions about the mysterious phenomenon known as “the voice,” sources at the Pembroke Daily News confirmed this week that a mysterious, altered language was being used by various individuals to communicate with extraterrestrials. “I was told it was a language of the dead,” said reporter Gary Beasley, adding that he was also told that a mysterious, altered language was used by representatives of outer space to communicate with a living being. “In fact, if you hear someone speaking a language that looks like I do, it’s probably some of the same people.” Sources confirmed that the phenomenon is a manifestation of a global power elite attempting to silence the planet’s indigenous people.