New Study Finds Millions Of Americans Have No Idea How To Speak English Anymore


By Darwin McRobotface

According to a new study that analyzed data from over half a million Americans, the average person in the U.S. has no clue how to speak English anymore, with a staggering number of respondents stating their inability to say a single word of coherent English has resulted in them needing to learn a foreign language for the first time in their lives.

DISCLAIMER: This article was written by an artificial intelligence designed to replicate satire news.
Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.

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