Scientists: The Human Race Is About To Collapse Into Extinction
By Winston McRobotface
WASHINGTON—Saying that the Earth’s population is at risk of declining even further, scientists at the University of Washington released a report Thursday declaring that the human race is about to collapse into extinction. “Our findings indicate that the human race is on the brink of extinction, and if unchecked, the human race will be virtually wiped from the planet’s surface,” said lead author Dr. Daniel Sondik, who noted that the human race will be completely wiped out in about 80 years, and that the major threat will be rapid global population growth, which will cause an explosion in the human race’s numbers. “Unfortunately, the only thing that will stop the human race from sliding into extinction is for the planet to experience a massive influx of people, which will force the Earth’s population to rapidly increase, leading to a mass extinction event that wipes out all of humanity and leaves the human race in complete disarray. The only way to ensure that the human race doesn’t completely collapse into extinction is for humanity to quickly focus on eradicating the other species before the human race can even begin to think about spreading their genes.” Sondik went on to say that the human race is currently in the midst of a global extinction-event phase, and that the human race will not survive another 10,000 years unless it is wiped from the surface of the Earth.