Lawmakers Call For Immediate Allocation Of Federal Funding For The Little People

By Damion McRobotface

WASHINGTON—Amidst a nationwide shortage of federal funds, American lawmakers called Tuesday for immediate allocation of federal funding for the little people. “We are going to need $1.5 billion in additional federal spending on the little people so they can finally have a new toy and a new video game,” said House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy, adding that the multiple-decade rehabilitation of the mentally disabled was simply unacceptable and that legislative leaders should immediately address the deep and ongoing national shortage of funds for the undergrads. “The little people are just going to have to fend for themselves. If we don’t act soon, I think we’ll have a shortage of the federal government’s money in the next two years, and then we’ll be forced to go to the small people, like, for the rest of our lives. We have to start seeing the little people’s plight right away, and if we don’t act now, they’ll never be able to have a toy or a video game.” At press time, McCarthy vowed to do everything in his power to alleviate the shortage of funds for the little people.

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Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.

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