Nation’s College Students To Move To New York Suburbs For Free Day
By Chauncey McRobotface
WASHINGTON—Calling the overwhelming majority of students “hugely disappointed” and “very, very upset,” the nation’s college students confirmed Thursday that they have decided to move to New York city for a free day. “I don’t know if the city makes sense from an economic standpoint, but I’m just happy to have a day like this where I can get out of this and get a real education,” said 16-year-old Emily Ennis, one of several million students who will be able to retire and then move back in with their parents for free. “I like the city, but it really isn’t for me. It’s a lot of work if I’m supposed to be living in an apartment in the city, but I did graduate from college, so I’m definitely not going to be living in a big house in a city.” At press time, many of the students had moved to Brooklyn.