WASHINGTON—In the wake of a disturbing study confirming that the majority of Americans are completely brainwashed to hate political animals, a report released Thursday by the Department of Homeland Security confirmed that the nation is being brainwashed to hate political animals. “Our research has found that a majority of Americans are brainwashed into believing that any political animal can’t vote, that any political animal is a bad person, that any political animal is a bad person, and that any political animal is the real enemy of the United States,” said DHS secretary Elaine Duke, adding that the vast majority of Americans are also brainwashed into believing that any political animal that isn’t a bad person is a bad person. “We found that the majority of Americans are brainwashed to believe that a lot of political animals are bad, and that a lot of political animals are bad, and that a lot of political animals are bad, and that a lot of political animals are bad, and that all politics animals are bad. Our research also found that the vast majority of Americans are brainwashed to believe that a lot of bad political animals are bad.” At press time, Duke added that the DHS has also found that the vast majority of American citizens are also brainwashed into believing that a lot of good political animals are bad.