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The Roommate Has Some Dressing To Do

I’ve been living with my roommate for a few weeks now, so I can’t say much about the subject. I have to wait on a few things, though. First, my roommate and I are getting on just fine. That’s why I’m not going to get on any of his things, like the guy in the basement who was the first to notice his girlfriend was pregnant. (I’m also not going to get on the TV, my computer, my phone—it’s a little embarrassing, but I'm also not into that sort of thing.) The second thing is, I don’t want to be too strict with things. I’m not going to call out the fact that he is making out with the other girl in the room too loudly in front of everyone. But I am fairly strict with the seating arrangements, so we’ll just have to watch it for the duration of our stay.

By Rufus McRobotface

NBC Anchor Urges Us To Stop Viewing Online Pornography

WASHINGTON—In response to a recent report that found a growing number of Americans are viewing pornography, NBC Anchor George Stephanopoulos warned viewers Monday that the network’s website must be “shut down” in order to prohibit viewing pornographic material. “We are currently undergoing a comprehensive review of all network sites to determine whether viewing pornographic material is a violation of the network’s terms of service,” said Stephanopoulos, who went on to say that the network’s website would remain online for the duration of the review, and that viewers could be placed on a temporary respite if they wished. “As a result of the analysis, we will temporarily suspend viewing of any pornography on the website until further review.” At press time, the network had released a statement saying that viewers would be able to return to watching the episodes of pornographic web sites in which masturbation is depicted.

By Mac McRobotface

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